Category: Amusing

That’s right, it’s back! HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) has released its annual list of worst excuses for missing the self-assessment deadline.

This year the excuses do not disappoint. They are wild, weird and wonderfully imaginative.

Excuse number one:

My mother-in-law is a witch and put a curse on me…

Excuse number two:

I’m too short to reach the post box…

Excuse number three:

I was just too busy: my first maid left, my second maid stole from me, and my third maid was very slow to learn…

Excuse number four:

Our junior member of staff registered our client in self-assessment by mistake because they were not wearing their glasses…

Excuse number five:

My boiler had broken and my fingers were too cold to type…

HMRC also listed some rather imaginative expenses claims, including:

A carpenter claiming £900 for a 55-inch TV and sound bar to help him price his jobs…

£40 on extra woolly underwear, for five years…

£756 for pet dog insurance…

A music subscription so I can listen to music while I work…

 

As they say in Glasgow,

“Aye right!”

Boarded a flight the other day and an automatic announcement intoned that as the plane was  refuelling, passengers should keep all their electronic devices switched off, seat belts unfastened and blinds up. So I sat there with people around me on their phones, seat-belts on and blinds down. So, I couldn’t help wondering, had the plane ignited and gone up like a Christmas tree, we were all doomed. Just thought I’d share that with you.

A lighter subject than what is normally written on a Monday on the subject of “Did you know?”

Did you know that Lea and Perrins is American,

that Tetley Tea is Indian (maybe not surprisingly)

that Jaffa Cakes are Turkish

that the Financial Times is Japanese

and that Manchester United is American.

 

Lastly and just for fun, did you know that a chicken is one of the few things that man eats before it’s born and after it’s dead.  (Sorry!)

 

“Someone asked me what the toughest thing was about being a parent.  I told them I would have to say it’s the children!”

You know your growing old when you find yourself telling the shop assistant that you only want a phone to make calls with.